When I finally arrived home yesterday, I parked my car, got out and walked around it, inspecting every inch of it. No, I wasn’t looking for damage from a fender-bender, I was looking for a sign that said “PLEASE CUT ME OFF.” Maybe everyone shares this thought, but I truly believe that I get cut off more than any other person in the world. Is it the car that I drive? My friendly face? Or maybe I'm not riding the ass of the car in front of me enough.
I have a love-hate relationship with driving; there are moments when I’m in the car, singing along to my iPod tunes, it’s 75 degrees outside, the windows are down, the moon roof is open and I’m cruising around at 40 – 50 miles per hour with my aviators on. And then there are the moments when I am near tears, slamming my palms on the steering wheel, screaming F-bombs, calling Matt to let him know I’m going to be home much later than I thought and wishing that someone had invented a transport button prior to the year 2008.
If any of you were caught in the state-wide gridlock during the afternoon snowstorm last December, then you know exactly what I’m talking about - an extreme example, I know.
Unfortunately for me and countless other Massachusetts residents, the state in which we reside is notorious for breeding “Massholes.” I’ve been driving on Massachusetts roads for almost 14 years now. While I certainly don’t claim to have a good driving record (in fact, I might have one of the worst in MA - I’m pretty sure my photo is posted on the walls of a few insurance agencies around the state), it’s clear to me that the driving situation has drastically declined over the years. I’d like to think that one’s driving record has nothing to do with one’s driving etiquette but I could be very wrong.
Of course cars, in general, have their pros...
- Transportation convenience.
- Travel & leisure purposes.
- They create job opportunities (production, maintenance).
- Revenue from taxes.
And cons…
- They're dangerous.
- Accidents happen.
- They're costly.
- They create pollution.
- They promote laziness.
Then there’s the fun stuff...
- Choosing a car.
- Picking a color.
- Driving a new car off the lot.
- Having AC for the first time.
- Having heated seats for the first time.
- Springing for add-ons like the iPod adapter.
- Not having to rely on public transportation.
- Paying it off while it’s still running smoothly.
- Freedom to go wherever you want, whenever you want.
And the petty annoyances…
- The monthly payments.
- “Pain at the pump.”
- The car’s heat feels too hot.
- The AC feels too cold.
- Opening the windows makes it too windy.
- Realizing the moon roof you wanted your whole life causes the sun to beat down on your scalp and makes you super-sensitive to sunlight.
- On certain days, the visor doesn’t quite line up with the sun.
- A headlight burns out.
- The engine light stays on.
- Synthetic oil changes.
- Stop and go traffic with a standard.
- The idiots who don’t put their shopping carts in the corrals.
- Road rage.
Even if you’ve enjoyed driving at one point in your life, you must admit that there’s not much to like about it these days. Think about it, when was the last time you actually witnessed someone stop for a pedestrian in the crosswalk (Lexington center not included) or pull over for an emergency vehicle with flashing lights and a blaring siren? How about a driver that leaves more than ten feet in between his car and the car in front of him? Or drivers coming off side roads who think THEY have the right of way? Either the driver's ed curriculum hasn't held up over time or driving etiquette has simply gone by the wayside.
But pedestrian etiquette seems to have also gone by the wayside, at least in my city. It’s very common to see pedestrians walk across the street without looking, wearing all black (usually hooded) clothing while the drivers have a green light at a light that’s well-known in the city for being the shortest green light on the planet. Apparently these pedestrians are only aware of their own precious time…I’d love to know where THEY are headed. These same pedestrians also tend to walk with a “limp” and take their sweet-ass time crossing the street, ensuring that you never get to your destination on time. I digress.
Driving is a very strange concept when you think about it. Just like anything else, there are rules; however it does require us to put a lot of trust in the human race.
This got me thinking.
I recently decided to conduct some of my own informal, sociological studies while driving. And, it appears that my driving etiquette isn’t what I thought it was. In fact, I’d go so far as to say that I am a discriminatory driver!
Here are some of my findings:
1. It appears as though I’ve been awarded the MOST LIKELY TO GET CUT OFF superlative.
I’m hoping this is because of my friendly face and nothing more. Maybe it’s because I drive a Mini and they appear to be “happy” cars like a VW Beetle. I don’t mind letting cars go in front of me but it’s the pushy drivers I hate. And I can be stubborn behind the wheel when I have the right of way!
2. Drivers are more likely to let me go in front of them when I’m driving my Mini Cooper than when I’m driving my husband’s Subaru.
I have 2 guesses as to why this occurs:
- People view a Mini as a half of a car so, in theory, if they allow me to go in front of them, they’re really only allowing themselves to get a half a car behind in traffic.
- People are discriminating against me because they assume that a woman driving a Subaru is a lesbian.
3. This one I’m embarrassed to admit, but I’m much more likely to allow non-white drivers to pull out in front of me.
This is sometimes referred to as “reverse racism” but, in actuality, the term shouldn’t even exist because reverse racism is just plain racism. Wait a minute…that means I’m racist? Against my own race? Racism of ANY kind is not ok.
4. I typically only allow sedans and compact cars to pull out in front of me.
Maybe this is discrimination but there’s nothing I hate more than being stuck behind an SUV while driving my Mini. So, if you see me ignoring you as you’re trying to pull out in front of me, it’s because I don’t want to get stuck behind your over-sized vehicle that you told yourself you “needed” to buy when, really, you purchased it to make up for the areas in which you’re lacking. Let me guess, you also own a pit bull, rottweiler or mastiff.
In an older post, I commented on the cost of gas for my Mini. Well, Jenn Abelson, a Boston Globe writer, recently wrote a very interesting article about frustrated owners of “gas guzzlers” and I’m sure you can guess that the Mini was not on the list. In the article, George Hoffer, an economics professor at Virginia Commonwealth University, refers to the SUV as an “irrational vehicle.” My older brother and I found this quite funny for a number of reasons. First of all, these “frustrated” owners knew exactly what they signed up for when they purchased their SUVs.
Click here to view Jenn Abelson's entire article: http://www.boston.com/news/local/massachusetts/articles/2008/05/06/frustrated_owners_try_to_unload_their_guzzlers/
Now, before you all get upset, let me say that I don’t hate all SUVs, I just hate the over-sized, irrational SUVs (and pickups) such as Hummers, Suburbans, Yukons, Escalades and F150s. And I don’t claim to be awesome because I own a Mini; I’ll be the first to admit that I bought it because it is cute and British, not because it is small, eco-friendly or has good MPG. I guess I'm just tired of people suggesting that they "need" an SUV when, really, they just want one for the same reasons that I wanted a Mini. Face it, most SUVs hold the same amount of people and groceries that a regular car holds. And, if you do have a large family, there are other options out there such as minivans or station wagons, but I guess those aren't trendy enough.
For those of you who are SUV-obsessed and plan on staying that way, there is good news. You now have several new eco-friendly options available to you including smaller-sizes, hybrids and crossovers. And, just to be clear, I don’t hold grudges against people who own SUVs; after all, part of the reason they became so popular was because we were led to believe that they're safer than smaller cars when, in fact, they aren’t (I won't bore you with statistics at this time). Similarly, many people have been "forced" to buy SUVs just so they can see around all the irrational vehicles on the SUV-infested roads.
Ideally, if we want to consider the safety of the entire American population, and not just ourselves, it makes a lot more sense for everyone to own smaller cars rather than continually trying to one-up one another with bigger cars and trucks.
So, while America’s SUV obsession has become embarrassing over the years, there is a glimmer of hope; it appears that the SUV craze has, indeed, peaked. Those Hummer owners who thought they were so cool and powerful just a few short years ago are now being shunned by their trendy, green neighbors.
What is more baffling to me is that Americans compete with each other to own the largest car while the British compete to own the smallest car. Yes, the two countries are located on different continents, but how can it be possible for the two to have such drastically different ideologies regarding cars?
Once again, I digress. Maybe that should’ve been a separate post!
I’m throwing you all a bone here, but if you own an SUV and you’d like to retort, all you have to do is Google the Mini (my car) and Subaru (my husband’s car), together, to find out what they have in common. I'm sure this will give you more than enough material for future jokes - http://www.nytimes.com/2007/04/12/fashion/12cars.html?8dpc
Oh, and by the way, if I won the lottery tomorrow, one of the first things I'd do is buy a Range Rover or Mercedes G-Wagen.
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