Those of you that know me well know that I talk a LOT about exercising. My day typically revolves around my workout and I know it’s insane but that doesn’t stop me.
I happen to be someone who needs to exercise. If I don’t, I get cranky. For me, running has proved to be the best form of exercise. Why? Because it is the one exercise that makes me feel like I am working out my entire body, burning calories and losing weight (notice I did not say that it is my favorite form of exercise). The issue for me is that running is painfully boring and, frankly, I hate every second of it. When I’m running, I'm only thinking about one thing: what I’m going to do when I’m done. So, for that reason, I’ve grown to enjoy the occasional 5k race to spice up my workout a bit. Beers and snacks at the finish line can make running very worthwhile.
If you are a runner, you know that a 5k is a joke so this is by no means a fete to brag about with your friends. The reason that I might talk about completing these 5k races is NOT so that people know I ran a race or even to better my time, it’s because I usually want to fill you in on the shenanigans that typically occur after the race.
I know a few people who have completed a marathon or two during their lives and, while many people are often impressed by this, I think that it’s insane.
For years I’ve been saying that I will never run a marathon, not because I can’t but simply because I don’t want to.
Have you ever noticed that when someone runs a marathon, everyone seems to know about it? My husband, my brother and I recently had a conversation about this while we were at the Boston Marathon (truth be told, we were inside Eastern Standard drinking a couple UFOs and watching the marathon on TV). We agreed that we are MUCH more impressed by the people who have completed a marathon or two and never mentioned it until you both knew each other for several years.
So, as we were standing 100 yards away from the finish line yet watching the marathon on TV at the Eastern Standard, my brother and I went on and on about things that don’t impress us.
Here are just a few things that I don’t ever plan to do and, frankly, don’t impress me.
1. Run a marathon.
I understand that many people participate in marathons to raise money for great causes and that’s wonderful, but this just looks like hours of misery to me. I mean Uta Pippig continued a marathon (and won) after pooping her pants! People who willingly put themselves through misery do not impress me.
2. Skydive.
I’ve heard that some people skydive because they want to feel “free”. Free from what, exactly? I am not impressed by people who risk their lives to jump 13,000 feet out of a 4,000 lb. piece of metal. I’m feeling perfectly free here with both feet on the ground.
3. Participate in a triathlon.
The funny thing with this one is that I might actually consider doing a triathlon if it weren’t for the swimming component (wait, I guess that means I’d participate in a duathlon, not a triathlon).
How sad is this: I grew up with an in-ground pool in my backyard and I do not know how to swim. In my defense, I certainly could swim if I had to save my life but, technically speaking, I do not know how to properly swim. I blame this on one person: my older brother. When we were young, he did this ridiculous “Jaws” impression with his head under water and his hands just above the water in the shape of a dorsal fin. He even hummed the theme song while he was underwater. He would then swim after me and proceed to tug at my leg and pull me all the way under when I hadn’t yet learned how to go under water without holding my nose. I digress.
Many of you already know that my husband, Matt, has participated in a few triathlons. I have been a spectator at one of these events and, just as I enjoy my little 5k races, these people enjoy their triathlons. A triathlon doesn’t seem nearly as grueling as a marathon so if I’m not impressed with a marathon then I’m not impressed with a triathlon.
I happen to be someone who needs to exercise. If I don’t, I get cranky. For me, running has proved to be the best form of exercise. Why? Because it is the one exercise that makes me feel like I am working out my entire body, burning calories and losing weight (notice I did not say that it is my favorite form of exercise). The issue for me is that running is painfully boring and, frankly, I hate every second of it. When I’m running, I'm only thinking about one thing: what I’m going to do when I’m done. So, for that reason, I’ve grown to enjoy the occasional 5k race to spice up my workout a bit. Beers and snacks at the finish line can make running very worthwhile.
If you are a runner, you know that a 5k is a joke so this is by no means a fete to brag about with your friends. The reason that I might talk about completing these 5k races is NOT so that people know I ran a race or even to better my time, it’s because I usually want to fill you in on the shenanigans that typically occur after the race.
I know a few people who have completed a marathon or two during their lives and, while many people are often impressed by this, I think that it’s insane.
For years I’ve been saying that I will never run a marathon, not because I can’t but simply because I don’t want to.
Have you ever noticed that when someone runs a marathon, everyone seems to know about it? My husband, my brother and I recently had a conversation about this while we were at the Boston Marathon (truth be told, we were inside Eastern Standard drinking a couple UFOs and watching the marathon on TV). We agreed that we are MUCH more impressed by the people who have completed a marathon or two and never mentioned it until you both knew each other for several years.
So, as we were standing 100 yards away from the finish line yet watching the marathon on TV at the Eastern Standard, my brother and I went on and on about things that don’t impress us.
Here are just a few things that I don’t ever plan to do and, frankly, don’t impress me.
1. Run a marathon.
I understand that many people participate in marathons to raise money for great causes and that’s wonderful, but this just looks like hours of misery to me. I mean Uta Pippig continued a marathon (and won) after pooping her pants! People who willingly put themselves through misery do not impress me.
2. Skydive.
I’ve heard that some people skydive because they want to feel “free”. Free from what, exactly? I am not impressed by people who risk their lives to jump 13,000 feet out of a 4,000 lb. piece of metal. I’m feeling perfectly free here with both feet on the ground.
3. Participate in a triathlon.
The funny thing with this one is that I might actually consider doing a triathlon if it weren’t for the swimming component (wait, I guess that means I’d participate in a duathlon, not a triathlon).
How sad is this: I grew up with an in-ground pool in my backyard and I do not know how to swim. In my defense, I certainly could swim if I had to save my life but, technically speaking, I do not know how to properly swim. I blame this on one person: my older brother. When we were young, he did this ridiculous “Jaws” impression with his head under water and his hands just above the water in the shape of a dorsal fin. He even hummed the theme song while he was underwater. He would then swim after me and proceed to tug at my leg and pull me all the way under when I hadn’t yet learned how to go under water without holding my nose. I digress.
Many of you already know that my husband, Matt, has participated in a few triathlons. I have been a spectator at one of these events and, just as I enjoy my little 5k races, these people enjoy their triathlons. A triathlon doesn’t seem nearly as grueling as a marathon so if I’m not impressed with a marathon then I’m not impressed with a triathlon.
This got me thinking…why aren’t marathon runners called marathletes if triathlon participants are considered triathletes? I guess they are just runners? And who decided the word “biathlon” would be specific to cross-country skiing and target shooting? Again, I digress.
4. Visit all 50 states (or drive across the country).
This reminds of those Winnebagos with the magnets on the side indicating which states the Winnebago has traveled to. So, in other words, this reminds me of WT. I can think of several states that I have no interest in visiting and that includes most, if not all, of the central states. I can’t imagine being in a state that does not have access to the ocean. And the fact that you have been there doesn’t impress me. Seriously, what do I need to see or do in Iowa? Catherine, a friend of mine from college, recently confirmed: nothing.
5. Become a Vegetarian/Vegan
First of all, I know some vegetarians and vegans and I respect your decision but what can I say? I love a good burger. In fact, I often crave burgers! And I don’t feel bad about it.
6. Earn a PhD.
Obviously this degree is necessary for certain careers but, thankfully, it is not necessary for mine. In a profession such as teaching, a doctorate helps you move up in the pay scale but is it truly worth paying all those student loans to, in the end, still be earning a “teacher’s salary”? I guess it would depend on the school system you work in. My issue is with the people who obtain a PhD just so they can be called “doctor” or so they can talk about being in a doctorate program. Let me just say that I’m onto you people.
7. Get a tattoo.
Now, some of my close friends have tattoos so I just want to say that it’s not that I don’t like tattoos, it’s just that I would never get one myself. I admit that I have watched Miami Ink and I do appreciate the art of a tattoo however I am not impressed when people tell me that they have a tattoo…unless you are David Beckham. He is the only person, in my opinion, that can pull off full sleeves.
8. Backpack through anywhere.
Everywhere I went during my senior year of college I heard a lot of talk about “backpacking through Europe” and “staying in hostels” after graduation. Um, hello? We just dedicated 4 years of our lives (not to mention a ton of money) to earning a piece of paper that is supposed to allow us to obtain respectable jobs with respectable salaries. And, in 6 months, we (or at least I) will begin making payments toward that piece of paper. Here’s an idea about what you can do after graduation: look for a job.
Now, 8 years later, this idea is coming back to haunt me. Suddenly people are obsessed with spirituality and apparently, in order to become spiritual, it is necessary that you quit your job, backpack through some country in Africa or Asia and hand deliver a pile of donated books to a small village filled with people who may or may not know how to read.
9. Get a celebrity’s autograph.
I will admit that this is something that I actually have done in the past with various Red Sox players, Bruins players and Rosie O’Donnell. But I was a kid!
Can someone tell me why this trend still exists and why a celebrity autograph can be worth so much money? Is it simply to hang it on your wall to impress people? Well, all I have to say to you people is please don’t bore me with your autographs because I am not impressed. You can buy autographs on eBay these days so an autograph doesn’t even prove that you ever met the person and, if you did indeed meet the person, then just effing tell me you did. When you tell me, I might think it’s cool (depending on who it is) but I can assure you that I won’t be impressed.
4. Visit all 50 states (or drive across the country).
This reminds of those Winnebagos with the magnets on the side indicating which states the Winnebago has traveled to. So, in other words, this reminds me of WT. I can think of several states that I have no interest in visiting and that includes most, if not all, of the central states. I can’t imagine being in a state that does not have access to the ocean. And the fact that you have been there doesn’t impress me. Seriously, what do I need to see or do in Iowa? Catherine, a friend of mine from college, recently confirmed: nothing.
5. Become a Vegetarian/Vegan
First of all, I know some vegetarians and vegans and I respect your decision but what can I say? I love a good burger. In fact, I often crave burgers! And I don’t feel bad about it.
6. Earn a PhD.
Obviously this degree is necessary for certain careers but, thankfully, it is not necessary for mine. In a profession such as teaching, a doctorate helps you move up in the pay scale but is it truly worth paying all those student loans to, in the end, still be earning a “teacher’s salary”? I guess it would depend on the school system you work in. My issue is with the people who obtain a PhD just so they can be called “doctor” or so they can talk about being in a doctorate program. Let me just say that I’m onto you people.
7. Get a tattoo.
Now, some of my close friends have tattoos so I just want to say that it’s not that I don’t like tattoos, it’s just that I would never get one myself. I admit that I have watched Miami Ink and I do appreciate the art of a tattoo however I am not impressed when people tell me that they have a tattoo…unless you are David Beckham. He is the only person, in my opinion, that can pull off full sleeves.
8. Backpack through anywhere.
Everywhere I went during my senior year of college I heard a lot of talk about “backpacking through Europe” and “staying in hostels” after graduation. Um, hello? We just dedicated 4 years of our lives (not to mention a ton of money) to earning a piece of paper that is supposed to allow us to obtain respectable jobs with respectable salaries. And, in 6 months, we (or at least I) will begin making payments toward that piece of paper. Here’s an idea about what you can do after graduation: look for a job.
Now, 8 years later, this idea is coming back to haunt me. Suddenly people are obsessed with spirituality and apparently, in order to become spiritual, it is necessary that you quit your job, backpack through some country in Africa or Asia and hand deliver a pile of donated books to a small village filled with people who may or may not know how to read.
9. Get a celebrity’s autograph.
I will admit that this is something that I actually have done in the past with various Red Sox players, Bruins players and Rosie O’Donnell. But I was a kid!
Can someone tell me why this trend still exists and why a celebrity autograph can be worth so much money? Is it simply to hang it on your wall to impress people? Well, all I have to say to you people is please don’t bore me with your autographs because I am not impressed. You can buy autographs on eBay these days so an autograph doesn’t even prove that you ever met the person and, if you did indeed meet the person, then just effing tell me you did. When you tell me, I might think it’s cool (depending on who it is) but I can assure you that I won’t be impressed.
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