nem•e•sis –noun, plural –ses

1. something that a person cannot conquer, achieve, etc.: The performance test proved to be my nemesis.
2. an opponent or rival whom a person cannot best or overcome.
3. (initial capital letter) Classical Mythology. the goddess of divine
retribution.
4. an agent or act of retribution or punishment.

(From www.dictionary.reference.com)

It’s no secret that I’m passionate about the things I love and passionate about the things I hate. “Nemesis” happens to be one of my favorite words of all time. I love to overuse it by throwing it around unnecessarily in order to express (and exaggerate) my hatred for someone or something. In fact, I use it so much that last year my friend, Amber, and I had a conversation in which we were trying to figure out the plural form of nemesis and we came up with a lot of great alternatives that we still use today.

Nemeses, as you know, have been made famous by comic books and movies, but we can’t deny that we all have at least one of our own. Maybe our nemeses aren't as notorious as Darth Vader and Lex Luthor and our reasons for hating them aren't as legitimate as Luke Skywalker's and Superman's, but we DO have them.

Think about it.

You have your childhood nemesis, your high school nemesis, your college nemesis, your workplace nemesis, your neighborhood nemesis, your town nemesis, your gym nemesis, your celebrity nemesis, your political nemesis, your pro sports team nemesis…

And the list goes on.

Even Little Jerry has nemeses. Like the stray cat that taunts him by sitting at the end of our walkway and staring at him through the window, Scooby (our next door neighbors’ stupid Pomeranian that always jumps on his back), the vet, a stuffed Wicket doll, squirrels, bridges, the hairdryer, the vacuum.

In most cases, my nemeses don’t even know that they’re my nemeses and, in many cases, my nemeses aren’t even people. It doesn't make us bad people for having nemeses; you must remember that the nemesis is the bad person/thing, not you!

The following is a list of people/things I’ve referred to as “my nemesis” over the years. You’ll notice that many of the things on my list are completely irrational. In fact, I went to a BBQ at my friend Jessica’s this weekend and a former nemesis (who will remain nameless, for now) happened to show up there. When I told everyone that my nemesis had arrived, they asked me why he was my nemesis. Now, in my own mind, the reasons are endless, but the only response I could verbalize at the time was that he wears tube socks with sneakers and shorts. Apparently Elaine Benes has rubbed off on me.

People:
• Steve Carrell
• People who beat me at trivia games & sports
• Anyone who doesn’t wipe down machines or rack weights at the gym
• George W. Bush
• Paris Hilton
• Guys who wear wife beaters out in public
• Girls who (still) wear Uggs with mini skirts
• PETA
• The people down the street who leave dirty diapers, single shoes, filthy stuffed animals, Heineken bottles, winter jackets & last night’s leftover casserole strewn all over their yard
• Ben Stiller
• Tom Cruise
• People who don’t pick up after their dogs
• People who tailgate me when I’m already going 85 mph in the fast lane
• Curt Schilling
• Bon Jovi
• People who go to the gym for social reasons and never break a sweat

Things/Objects:
• Ford Mustangs
• Numerous jars/bottles that I’ve been unable to open
• Mosquitoes
• Sundays
• Wasabi
• The red light on my office phone that indicates I have a message waiting
• Bruises
• Pimples
• The sun
• The rain
• The wind
• The snow
• The Herald
• Jagermeister
• Xbox 360
• The line at the post office
• Football
• The alarm clock
• Shoes that gave me blisters
• WAAF
• “Spoof” movies
• The scale

Actions/Activities (strange, I know):
• Drying my hair
• Folding laundry
• Finding a parking space at the mall
• Running
• Emptying the dishwasher
• Making the bed
• Putting on sunscreen
• Engaging in small talk
• Trying things on in the fitting room
• Waking up

So, tell me, who or what is your nemesis? You know you have one...or ten.