Hold 'em high, my friends!

I really hadn’t planned on referencing Seinfeld twice in one week, but I just couldn’t help myself.

From a Seinfeld standup routine:

“On my block, a lot of people walk their dogs and I always see them walking along with their little poop bags. This, to me, is the lowest activity in human life. Following a dog with a little pooper scooper. Waiting for him to go so you can walk down the street with it in your bag. If aliens are watching this through telescopes, they’re going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them is making a poop, the other one’s carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?”

Little Jerry Seinfeld is the first dog that I have ever owned. He was a grad school graduation gift from Matt and his arrival meant that I would "have to" move to the big city with Matt (coincidence? I don't think so).

For Matt and me, using poop bags was never an option - it was automatic. As far as we were concerned, the rule was this: you live in the city, you pick up after dog. Simple, right? Well, apparently this rule doesn’t apply to EVERYONE in EVERY city. Case in point: One time, about 1-2 years ago, I was walking Little Jerry in Lowell and I was stopped by a man who said to me, “You must not be from around here.” And I replied, “What do you mean?” He said, “You pick up after your dog!?!” With much conviction I responded, “It’s what ALL responsible dog owners SHOULD do.”

But, just like anything else, it’s actually NOT what all owners do. Just like every parent raises his/her children differently, every dog owner raises his/her dog differently.

On a typical walk with Little Jerry, I often witness dog owners stand by while their dogs poop, only to leave it behind for the next idiot (most likely me) to step in it. By experiencing so many close-calls, I’ve learned pretty quickly not to wear my Tory Burch flats or my Frye boots while walking Jerry.

But ruining designer shoes is not my only concern. Dogs naturally sniff out other dogs’ poop, thus exposing them to parasitic worms that can be transmitted to humans. Animal waste can also contribute to storm water pollution. It contains disease-carrying bacteria and toxins that can increase the risk of viral infections, flu, and skin rashes for ocean/lake swimmers near storm drain outlets. This creeps me out on a personal level because, believe it or not, Matt has actually gone swimming the Merrimack River!

My frustration around irresponsible pet owners has grown steadily over the past few years. So, I’ve decided that it’s time to take action. Yes, that’s right, my goal is to single-handedly change the ways of our urban, dog-owning society.

Not too long ago I was embarrassed to be seen picking up after Little Jerry (don't worry, though, I still did it). Well, not anymore. Now, when I have a full bag of poop, I hold it high for all the world to see. That’s right, I’m showing people that there is no shame in picking up after your dog. I am telling them that I am proud of this ripe bag of poop and I will gladly show it off like a Heisman trophy.

So please join me in this silent campaign and hold your poop bags high! We are capable of change! It is your civic duty (no pun intended)!

Next issue: Tackling dog-owners who ignorantly believe that their dogs are trained well enough to walk without a leash and then act completely shocked when their dogs run across traffic to meet Little Jerry and force my walk to come to a premature end while I wait for said owners to cross the street to retrieve their untrained dogs.