Saturday, November 15, 2008

True Life: I Compete in Secret Races

Long time, no post.

In the past week I’ve had a few people ask me when my next post is coming. I’m not going to lie, this has made me feel pretty darn good. I, too, get excited to check for new posts on all of the blogs that I follow. The truth is, work has been really busy lately. Before you jump to conclusions, that doesn’t mean that I spend time blogging at work. It just means that when I get home from a busy day at work, I’d rather just sit on the couch and watch bad TV.

Believe me, I’ve had plenty of time to blog. I’m not one to use the “I’ve been busy” excuse. In fact, if I ever do use that as an excuse then you just caught me in a lie. You see, part of the problem is that Matt and I still have a desktop computer at home. It’s also on our 3rd floor where there’s no TV. And, unfortunately, our computer desk is accompanied by a hard, uninviting, wheel-less desk chair that forces me to sit so unnaturally erect that it’s been causing me lower back pain. I think it might be time to invest in a laptop, or a “labtop” as I’ve recently heard people refer to them. Yeah…I’m not really sure what that’s all about.

So, as you may or may not have noticed, I have yet to comment on the presidential race and election in any of my posts. Like Oprah with her show, I made the decision NOT to use my blog as a platform for any of the candidates. Ha! Just kidding. I’m not REALLY comparing myself to Oprah. The real reason why I haven’t commented on the election is because my political knowledge is minimal and therefore I lack confidence when speaking about anything political. I’m trying to work on this, but I’m not progressing very well.

That said, words cannot express how elated I am to see Barack Obama become our 44th President. I have shed many tears watching post-election coverage and it’s been absolutely exhilarating to witness the joy and excitement on different faces all across our country as they “watch history.”

But now that the Presidential race is over, I would like to discuss a different type of race and that is the SECRET RACE.

In an earlier post I implied that I have a lot of confessions to make, so here I am revealing another one. I’ve been told, on more than one occasion, that I am extremely competitive. And I'm sure you will agree after I explain what a secret race is. Or maybe you, too, will admit to participating in your own secret races.

I’m not too sure where my competitiveness comes from. Aries are known for their enthusiasm, stubbornness, impatience and straightforwardness, but not for their competitive nature. It’s possible that it could stem from my childhood. Maybe being the third of four children, I subconsciously competed for parental attention? Or maybe (definitely) I’m insecure about the possibility of being inferior to others. After all, I DO care way too much about what other people think of me.

However I acquired this trait, it seems to be manifesting itself on a daily basis in various ways. A secret race is something that I engage in almost every day. I have secret races on the treadmill, in the car, in the office, in the grocery store, on the computer, at the ATM and even on the couch. I race men, women, strangers, acquaintances, Matt, siblings, friends, enemies, idiots, infants, the elderly, the disabled. You name it and I’ll find a way to beat it.

So what exactly is a secret race?

Well, you know how dreadfully boring it is to run on a treadmill at the gym? I have found that the BEST way to spice up a treadmill workout is to initiate a secret race. All you have to do is wait for someone to hop on the treadmill next to you (ironically this is guaranteed to happen, even when ALL of the treadmills are free) and the race has begun. You see, I have this rule that anytime someone gets on the treadmill next to me and starts running, I cannot allow myself to stop running until AFTER he/she has stopped. This is how I guarantee my win. More often than not I don’t even look over at the other treadmill so when the “race” begins I usually don’t even know whether my competitor is male, female, old or young. I also have no idea what my competitor’s MPH is set at. And my competitor has no idea that he/she has just entered a secret race and that he/she is about to lose. Big time.

My secret races began on the treadmill, but some of the best secret races involve cars. For instance, if Matt and I have dinner at his parent’s house, we typically go straight there after work so we both have our own cars with us. When we part ways to drive home separately there is ALWAYS a secret race to get home. If he wasn’t aware of this before, he is now.

Also, when I’m stopped at a red light next to a car going in the same direction, sometimes I wait for the light to turn green and then I race to get ahead of him/her before the road narrows. But if I’m at a red light and I suspect that the person in the car next to me is initiating his/her own secret race WITH ME then I usually opt out of the race. That way, the other car tears off when the light turns green and the driver looks in the rearview mirror to see that I’m not participating and feels like an idiot for initiating this stupid secret race.

Driving on the highway also makes for some quality secret races. I especially like to pick out certain Masshole drivers who weave in and out of cars and switch lanes multiple times just to get 30 seconds ahead of where they were and then I make every effort possible to prevent them from doing this.

Sometimes when I’m walking or running near my home, I will race the cars that are stuck in traffic. I’ll be honest, this is a tough race to win, but it’s been done.

You can have all kinds of secret races, really.

At the ATM, I race the person using the machine next to me. Processing…processing…

At the grocery store, I race people to the checkout line and if it’s self-checkout then I race the people using the self-checkout next to me.

At work, I race my colleagues out the door so that I’m not responsible for locking up.

On the computer, I race others to be the first person with a witty response to a group email.

In the bathroom, I race people to the “good” stall.

At weddings, I race people to the bar.

At home, I race Matt to the couch so that I have the remote control and the “good” blanket, I race him to get on the computer, I race him to the shower after we workout and I race him to the 2nd floor bathroom when we come home (because it’s much too difficult to go up to the 3rd floor).

For some reason, I cannot control this competitiveness. My life has turned into one giant race. And apparently the only way that I can win is to not tell my competitors about the race. Isn't that called cheating?


Anonymous said...

The next race is the one to the therapist...

MJ said...

Funny...I've already competed in that race.

medgrl413 said...

I only race at work.

How are you coming with your EPPs? Activity sheets? Junior meetings? I think I'm ahead of you... Better hurry and catch up!

Matt said...

You win the race to PO onteh couch every night as well. One of these days I'll beat you though!

Big G said...

I'm undefeated in treadmill races. That's why the two next to me are always open because people are afraid to race me. It's not because I sweat profusely or dance on the treadmill like Pitt in Burn After Reading...