America Ain't So Beautiful

I am not a world traveler, nor do I claim to be. But just because I haven’t traveled the world does not mean that I am an idiot or any less "cultured" than someone who has. There are people out there who honestly believe that they are more intelligent or simply better than others because they have, indeed, traveled to many countries. In a lot of cases, they are correct.

However, the REAL difference between me and these people has less to do with being cultured or uncultured and more to do with wealth and/or the sheer luck of being born anywhere BUT the U.S. I can't control the fact that my grandfather was chased out of his hometown of Bantry, County Cork, Ireland and that somehow he selected Arlington, MA, to raise his family thus forcing me to be born in boring old America. I also can't control the fact that my mother, for her entire life, has despised flying or that we never really had the money to take a family of 6 on a vacation (flying with 4 kids doesn't sound like much of a vacation to me).

Now, I know what you're thinking. I SHOULD be grateful just to be alive, have freedom and a house. And I am. But, when it comes to being cultured, Europeans have a huge advantage over Americans; rather than drive to another state for a "holiday" Europeans can actually drive to a whole other country and experience a completely different language and culture. If they choose to, they can visit several different countries within one week. Unfortunately, an equivalent trip for us just means traveling ACROSS our country…big effing deal.

Before I go on, let me make one thing clear; I'm not blaming my parents, my grandparents or anyone else for my lack of worldly experience/knowledge, I'm just saying that it’s difficult for people in the U.S. to fully experience other cultures unless they can afford to travel quite a bit.

The very first time I got on a plane, I was 18 years old and a freshman in college. I went to Fort Lauderdale for spring break with my roommate and her family (so not much of “spring break” if you know what I mean). We stayed at her grandfather’s $7.5 million mansion on the intercoastal (yes you read that correctly…Demi Moore and Bruce Willis even rented the house for several months when they were still married and one of them was making a movie there). So, needless to say, even though I hadn’t left the U.S., this was a culture shock for me in a lot of ways: 1st time on a plane, 1st time visiting a state outside of New England, 1st time visiting “the south,” 1st time seeing palm trees, 1st time in a $7.5 million mansion, 1st time hanging out with extremely wealthy people. Yes, I was being exposed to a different culture, per se, but not a “worldly” culture.

When I arrived home from Florida, I realized that I had been bitten by the travel bug. Honestly, I don’t really mind the whole airport aggravation and, with the exception of a few rough, head-pain-inducing landings, I typically enjoy flying. And, call me crazy, but I STILL find myself amazed about the fact that one morning I can be walking the streets of Dublin and, that same afternoon, I find myself at Corner Cupboard in Billerica, MA, buying a 12-pack of Raspberry UFO. Talk about a change of venue.

Fortunately for me, I had a few college trips that led me out of the country and then I married someone who also likes to travel (he actually saves money for traveling). As a result, I've averaged about 1 trip per year for the past 12 years...not bad! However, most of these trips can't really be considered "cultural." I can’t count Jamaica because I spent the entire trip fearing for my life. And I’m not counting Montreal because I was only there for one night: New Year’s Eve, 1998 (my mother still thinks I spent the night in Haverhill at my friend Catherine’s house). I’m also not counting Bermuda or Aruba because we really just spent the entire time on the beach.

My recent trip to Ireland was my first, real, cultural trip.

And, once again, I’ve been bitten by the bug. Only this time, I’d like my next trip to be a little longer…

A few years ago, Matt and I casually discussed moving to a warmer climate and although the weather would be appealing, I immediately nixed the idea based on the fact that I couldn’t stand to be so far away from my family. I am also terrified by the idea of having to look for a new job. Fast forward to today and I’m suddenly plotting ways in which Matt and I can realistically drop everything here in MA and move to Dublin (not forever, just for a year or so). And, as Matt so profoundly stated, "it's easier to look for a new job when you already have one."

You’ll be happy to know that Matt did end up talking some sense into me, but I still can’t seem to shake the whole idea. I truly envy people who can and have dropped everything to begin a new life (maybe saying a “different life” would be more appropriate) in another location. I guess this is actually something that DOES impress me. At this point in my life, I feel like the only thing keeping me from not making such a drastic change is money; unfortunately I have a lot of debt at the moment and not much (nothing) saved.

And so, it’s back to reality.

Many people have been inquiring about our trip, so here’s a brief rundown…you know I love lists!

My top 5 favorite things about Ireland (in general):

1. The views.

Breathtaking mountains and patchwork farms go on for miles making it impossible to fully capture them in a photo.

2. People are EXTREMELY friendly.

Imagine THAT Massachusetts!

In Ireland, you always receive a friendly "finger point" (they opt for this over a wave of the hand) from the people driving past you. Pedestrians crossing the street ALWAYS give a thank you wave when you stop to let them walk by. Also, strangers in general often use the term "cheers" as a catchall phrase that can mean "thanks," "your welcome" or simply "cheers."

3. The pubs.

First, I'd like to debunk the rumor that Guinness is served warm and "tastes better in Ireland." It is quite cold and tastes exactly the same. On another note, many of you will appreciate this - tipping a bartender is actually frowned upon! Also, for some reason, bars in the U.S. have not yet caught on to possibly the best invention ever: hooks on that little 1/2 wall in front of each of barstool. These were probably invented for the jackets of the men who spent an entire day in a pub, but this is truly every girl’s dream. I never had to worry about where to hang my purse or the fact that it was on the floor or that someone might spill on it or, worse, steal it.

*Update: I have recently been to 2 bars in the Somerville/Cambridge area that have the wall hooks that I mentioned above. Maybe I just never noticed them before or maybe American bars are starting to catch on...I'm not really sure, but you can imagine my excitement when I discovered them at Bukowski's Tavern in Cambridge and Old Magoon's Saloon in Somerville.

4. There's no sweating the small stuff.

A few examples: Swears are not edited on TV or radio. Freshly baked goods aren't wrapped up in anything, they just sit there on the shelf in all their carbohydrate glory. There are very few, if any, irrational SUVs. Clothes are hung out to dry. IDs aren't checked. There are no waiting lists or beepers to be seated at a restaurant.

5. It’s not America.

My top 5 favorite things about Dublin:

1. Diversity. (Stuff White People Like!)

Walking down the streets and into shops you hear languages from all over the world and no one flinches or makes comments about “foreigners.”

2. Style.

The clothing trends are way ahead of the U.S. and you can pretty much wear whatever you want without being labeled “weird.” The majority of guys are hipsters and the girls actually wear dresses when they go out to bars/clubs on the weekends, choosing to look classy (I cringe whenever I use that word but it’s appropriate here) rather than skanky.

3. It's easy to feel like you fit in.

I never felt like I was being judged because of my clothes/appearance or my American accent (or, as I like to call it, my recovering Boston accent).

4. There are “food halls” on every corner.

Sort of the equivalent of a mini Whole Foods, a food hall sells fresh produce, bread, fish and meat. They usually have racks and racks of gourmet sauces, oils and herbs and – the best part – they usually have a café where you can sit and eat a fresh, warm scone and sip a cup of coffee so good you can drink it black…imagine THAT America!

5. The restaurants/pubs.

The food in Ireland is far better today than it was 10-20 years ago (from what I've been told). You don’t have to go very far to find a gastropub or Belgian beer ON TAP! Leave it to me to find a Belgian Beer Festival in the land of Guinness! In addition, several pubs have "beer gardens" (slightly different from "al fresco" it's an open air seating area WITHIN the restaurant itself) and/or "beer halls" (think of a German Oktoberfest atmosphere with long community tables). Also, you can order Indian until 5 am and it’s way spicier than U.S. Indian restaurants.

So what’s next? Well, Prague is at the top of my list but London, Milan, Venice, Athens and Munich aren’t far behind!

I'd Like a Bowl of Chowd-ER, Please.

Ok, so this is along the same lines as my last post but is anyone having a hard time dealing with this new phenomenon (or maybe not SO new) in which companies all over New England (and in some cases, around the country) are embracing the Boston accent?

Someone recently told me a story in which a young girl was convinced that “chowder” was actually spelled “chowdah” because that was the only way she had ever (evah?) seen it written. And I don’t doubt that. Here’s why…

-Across MA the word “chowdah” or “chowda” shows up on numerous menus and even in company names! Best example: “The Boston Chowda Company”

-The Bostonville Grill (ironically located in Lynnfield) serves “soups, chowdah and chili” and, the equally terrible, “Kraveable Kids Kuisine.” (Purposely misspelling words to create alliteration in your company name is a whole separate issue. Kids aren’t smart enough to realize that you’re trying to be all cute and creative. Heck, some adults aren’t even smart enough! Most likely, kids will read your menu and believe that “crave” and “cuisine” are supposed to be spelled with a “k” not a “c.” They will subsequently fail all of their spelling tests thus destroying their self-esteem all because of your company. Not to mention, is "craveable" even a word? Seriously, are we encouraging our kids to grow up stupid?)

-An online company, www.chowdaheadz.com, sells “wicked pissah stuff” including t-shirts that say “Green Monstah.”

-I recently ate some “Gummy Lobstahs” from L.L. Bean (delicious, despite the name).

-I even found restaurants in Georgia and Florida called the “Monstah Lobstah” that serve “N.E. clam chowdah” and “lobstah.” Go figure.

Do Bostonians really like this? Do they find it funny? Do tourists find it funny? In my opinion, it’s just plain unprofessional. There’s a difference between having pride in where you’re from and simply looking like an uneducated moron. I know the accent slips out in conversation, but can we please stop spelling “er” words with “ah” or “a” ON PURPOSE, especially in business?

Peeved, Anyone?

I know there are more important things to be concerned with (like war, poverty, starvation, etc.), but has anyone noticed the amount of erroneous words and phrases making their way into the English language and, in some cases, the dictionary?

As always, I’m not claiming that I’m perfect; we all make mistakes here and there. After all, the English language is one of THE most challenging languages to learn and understand. I’m pretty sure I’ll die without ever really knowing the difference between “awhile” and “a while.”

But isn’t there at least one person in your life who ALWAYS says “supposably” in conversation or writes “then” instead of “than” in their emails and it secretly drives you insane? The first time it happens you think it’s a simple mistake, but then you realize the person does this all the time and yet you don’t ever correct him/her.

Believe it or not, I think I fall somewhere in the middle when it comes to opinions on this. While I do find myself getting highly annoyed by certain misspellings, misuses and mispronunciations, I’ve met some people who are much more unforgiving. (I guess I have to be more forgiving, though, because I haven’t come close to mastering the language myself. For example, even though I know they’re incorrect, I still say “gonna” and “a whole nother.”)

Getting back to my point, it’s recently come to my attention that some mistakes, when made often enough, eventually become widely accepted. Thus beginning the dumbing down of America!

Below is a list of mistakes that truly aggravate me. Some of them can actually be found in the dictionary, but others cannot (yet). I’ve left out some of the most common annoyances such as the misuse of the apostrophe. Again, I’m not saying I’m perfect. In fact, I encourage you to call me out on my own mistakes! Please post a comment as I’d prefer NOT to look like an idiot, thank you.

Irregardless
Yes it was listed, but thankfully http://www.dictionary.com/ has this to say about the word:

Usage Note: Irregardless is a word that many mistakenly believe to be correct usage in formal style, when in fact it is used chiefly in nonstandard speech or casual writing. Coined in the United States in the early 20th century, it has met with a blizzard of condemnation for being an improper yoking of irrespective and regardless and for the logical absurdity of combining the negative ir- prefix and -less suffix in a single term. Although one might reasonably argue that it is no different from words with redundant affixes like debone and unravel, it has been considered a blunder for decades and will probably continue to be so.

Revert back
From the Department of Redundancy Department. The definition of revert is “to go back” so to say “revert back” is redundant. Leave “revert” alone.

Supposably
After doing some research, I’ve learned that supposably is an adverb, but it’s often used incorrectly in place of supposedly (this is what I find annoying). Apparently supposably can be used only when the meaning is 'capable of being supposed,' and then only in the U.S.

Expresso
No “x.” Just espresso. Make sure you get it right the next time you’re in Starbucks (or, better yet, an independent coffee house - hopefully your town has one).

Here are some phrases…

“I could care less.”
Oh, so you’re saying you COULD care less? That means you somewhat care. The correct phrase is “I could not care less.”

Vice-a Versa
There’s no “a” people; it’s just vice versa! As in “Miami Vice” or “I want to put my head in a vice when people say this incorrectly.”

“I feel nauseous.”
Nauseous means causing nausea or sickening so you are basically saying that you feel you make others sick. Next time say “I feel nauseated.”

“How does it look like?"
This may only be common among non-native English speakers (if that’s the case then I will be much more understanding) but you should be saying “What does it look like?” or “How does it look?”

And some common misspellings…

Definately – incorrect
Definitely – correct

Reccommend – incorrect
Recommend – correct

Seperate – incorrect
Separate – correct

Grammer – incorrect
Grammar – correct

Alot – incorrect
A lot - correct

So those are just a few of mine…what would you add to this list??

I Need Help Proscrastinating!

I know I already alluded to reality TV in a previous post but, since there is NOTHING on TV during the summer months, I'm looking for some help.

I just finished watching the season finale of the reality show that I have remained so loyal to over the years: The Bachelor/The Bachelorette. I can't really explain why I like this show so much except for the fact that, several seasons in a row now, I have guessed the winner the second he/she stepped out of the limo on the first episode. I'm not saying I'm awesome just that it might actually be one of my greatest talents (which makes me the opposite of awesome).

For those of you who do not watch The Bachelor or The Bachelorette, DeAnna Pappas was this season's bachelorette who was "scorned" on the last season of The Bachelor when Brad Womack "led her on" and didn't choose either of the final women on the season finale. DeAnna was determined to find her "happy ending" so she returned as "The Bachelorette" to choose a husband from 25 men hand-picked from around the country. (Once again I have to thank Comcast for creating DVR so that I didn't have to listen to this same nonsense at the beginning of the show each week.)

Now, clearly I've never met DeAnna but what happens with these reality shows is that the audience (me included) tends to get so caught up in the show that they end up believing that they DO know the people involved. To me, DeAnna appeared to be a nice, genuine person looking for love and looking for someone to settle down with. Along the way, she did a great job of weeding out the tools (or, as my brother would say, "chuckas") no matter how physically attracted she was to them. And I commended her for that.

When it came down to the season finale and the final two bachelors, I thought it was in the bag for Jason (my original pick from episode 1), the nice, grounded, normal guy (who happened to have a kid but that shouldn't matter, in theory). However, as I watched the finale, I knew that my prediction would not be correct this time.

I am onto ABC and their silly little tactics. Their strategy was to overwhelm us with footage of DeAnna and Jason and lead us to believe that she would pick Jason. But she did not. Week after week DeAnna reiterated her painful story of being led on by the previous bachelor. Well, this time not only was Jason led on, so was the audience.

Instead of Jason, DeAnna chose Jesse, the "professional snowboarder" who never stopped using the word "like" during conversations with DeAnna's family and who also showed her family members how to say goodbye with a fist-to-fist bump and "explosion." He made me embarrassed FOR him. And then I was embarrassed for her. And then anger set in. But why? What do I care? They are, after all, two 26-year-old people whom I have never met. And who am I to say that they were or were not right for each other?

I realize now that it was Jason that I liked much more than DeAnna. I didn't want to see him get his heart broken again. And I didn't want him to have wasted all that time away from his son to try to "win" this woman who may not even be right for him.

Pathetic, I know. The few reality shows that I DO get wrapped up in always seem to disappoint so why do I even bother? Why set myself up for disappointment each time? Or why let myself even care about these people?

So, after spending WAY too much time watching and analyzing this foolish television show, I am forced to move on to the next foolish show. The season premiere of Lost is a painful 6 months away and the summer is filled to the brim with reruns and the worst of the worst in terms of reality TV. (Although I will confess that I've had a few chuckles watching people fall head first on the Wipeout obstacle course.)

I need some help finding some decent TV as I eagerly await the start of the Olympics (I'm a sucker for gymnastics and all the obscure events airing at 3 or 4 in the morning). It certainly doesn't help that I put my Netflix account on hold for the summer (don't even ask why). On top of that, I have always been excited about the summer movie season but Indiana Jones seems to have left a bad taste in my mouth. It's the only movie I've seen thus far and the only other movie I'm looking forward to is The Dark Knight (just like the rest of the world, I guess).

Just to clarify - I am NOT sitting around watching TV all day. I swear I am getting out during the day and I have read 3 novels since school ended. What I should be doing, though, is working on the assignments for the summer course that I'm taking. Somehow that textbook has remained unopened. Red Sox, the internet, grilling, reading (books I like), TV, the beach, enjoying a few cocktails, relaxing and exercising are all much more appealing. My summer, thus far, is proof that the more free time you have, the less productive you are.

So, when I do find myself around a TV this time of year, this is what I'm usually watching:

- Red Sox games
- America's Next Food Network Star
- Jeopardy (flipping back and forth between that and the Sox game)
- Channel 5 news
- Regis & Kelly (even though I can't stand how much she is in love with herself and that she never stops flexing her arms for the camera)
- TMZ
- Seinfeld
- The Secret Life of the American Teenager (desperation set in and now I'm locked in)
- Food Network (in general)

It's a pathetic list so if you have any recommendations, please let me know!

Otherwise I'll be forced to crack that textbook.

Paper? Clocks? You Must Be Joking.

My one year wedding anniversary is exactly one week from today. I CANNOT believe how quickly time has passed. So, while I'm completely depressed about NOT jumping on a plane in 3 days to marry my best friend (SO cliche, I know, but truer than true in my situation) on the beach in Bermuda, I AM excited about our 1-year celebration.

For a few weeks now, I've been agonizing over anniversary gift ideas for my husband, Matt. If you know me at all then you know that I HATE traditions so this whole idea of themed anniversary gifts is just one more thing for me to make fun of and laugh at.

You may already be aware that, traditionally, the 1st year wedding anniversary is known as the "paper" anniversary, but it's recently come to my attention that there are now modern themes for anniversaries as well. Apparently the traditional list of anniversary themes and gift ideas hasn't stood the test of time. No pun intended but clocks have become the "modern" 1st anniversary theme.

I found some of the traditional to modern theme changes pretty interesting, actually. For example...

• Leather moved from the 3rd year theme to the 9th year theme. Apparently that's something women are willing to wait for.
• China has jumped from the 20th year to the 2nd year. Similarly, crystal has jumped from 15 years to only 3 years. Evidently these are things women cannot wait for.
• Wood slipped from year 5 to year 6, altogether eliminating candy from the list. I don't know about you, but I'd MUCH prefer a bag of Swedish fish or Reese's peanut butter cups over something made of wood.
• Desk sets have now replaced copper/wood for the 7-year theme. Yes, you read that correctly. I cannot even wager a guess on this one.
• Maybe not surprising is the fact that diamonds now make 2 appearances on the list. They remain the 75th anniversary theme, but they have now overtaken tin as the 10th year theme. Clearly this decision was made because no one in their right mind (literally) makes it to their 75th wedding anniversary so there was no point in changing it.
• Appliances have replaced flowers as the 4-year theme. Doesn't this go against the gift-giving etiquette we've been trying to instill in men since the 50's??

But I guess these changes make perfect sense for today's modern, materialistic, Sex and the City generation of women. Approximately 50% of first marriages in America end in divorce (the rate is higher for second and third marriages) so women, evidently, are looking for bigger, better, more expensive "things" that prove they can, indeed, put up with the same man for several years in a row. I mean, what else says "I love you" like a clock, right? In fact, the things on this list are so inane that I wouldn't be surprised if shoes and handbags were added in the years to come. And, from there, maybe it will get more specific to include Christian Louboutin shoes or an Hermes handbag.

And what about Hollywood? They must have their own, special list that omits everything except platinum and diamonds.

Getting back to the original list, though, I'm having some difficulty deciding which 1st year anniversary option is worse: paper or clocks? Do people still buy grandfather clocks? Cuckoo clocks? Engraved mantle clocks? I guess a wall clock might be nice, but I'm perfectly satisfied with the 2 wall clocks we have from Target and Pier 1. A watch might be nice, I guess, but Matt already has 2 of those. And certainly an alarm clock doesn't count, right? (Because you ARE aware that the alarm clock is one of my nemeses.) Why would ANY woman have a reason to give her husband an alarm clock as a 1st anniversary gift unless she's sending a message that he needs to be more punctual? After watching me change into a 7th outfit before going out, HE would be more justified giving ME an alarm clock.

After pondering this for a little while on my own, I decided to (yet again) seek advice from my trusty BFF. You may know her. Her name is Google. I will share with you some of her suggestions...

1. Books
I can't see myself buying my husband an "anniversary book." I guess I could buy him the new "Stuff White People Like" book. Or maybe this means I should write him a book? No, by the time I finish, it would no longer be our paper anniversary.
2. Stationery
Huh? He's perfectly satisfied using the back of an opened envelope.
3. Board games & puzzles
Huh?
4. Posters
Like the posters we had on our UMass dorm walls? Nothing says "Happy Anniversary" like an enlarged picture of Bob Marley smokin somethin.
5. Photos
Photos of the wedding? We already saw those.
6. Calendar
HE already did this for ME...sigh.
7. Tickets
Coldplay is August 4th so I wouldn't mind being on the RECEIVING end of some tickets...
8. Paintings
A painting is meaningless to everyone but the painter and the subject. Does this mean I should paint something myself and use Matt as my subject?
9. Coupons
Like an IOU? I may as well buy him a piece of cheese. Or maybe it means that I should buy the Sunday Globe for my husband and hand him the coupon section?

Hmmm...I'm thinking I may need to break up with Google because none of these ideas has "us" written all over it. She doesn't know us as well as I thought she did...

Upon deeming Google useless for this task, I decided to brainstorm my own list of 1st year "paper" anniversary gift ideas. Ladies and gentlemen, feel free to steal my ideas if you wish...

1. A piece of computer paper
If it's blank then HE gets to choose how to use it.
2. The Sunday Globe
Well it IS more substantial and more expensive than the Monday through Saturday Globe...and there's more paper involved...and there are coupons.
3. The bill for our 1-year anniversary dinner at the Oak Room
It shouldn't be TOO expensive, right?
4. Our marriage certificate
Just as a reminder, I guess?
5. A $15 parking ticket
Like the one I got in Newton Center last week while trying (and failing) to find the perfect (new) pair of jeans at National Jean Co.
6. Toilet paper
For sh*** and giggles (literally).
7. A grocery list
I'll buy if he flies.
8. Driving directions or a map
Any guy needs this. And a Garmin Nuvi would be too expensive...not to mention it doesn't fit the theme.
9. My paycheck
Ha ha...just the stub, of course, because I have direct deposit.
10. A "honey do" list
With a deadline.
11. A blank check
Because it will likely bounce.

OR

12. The ultimate...divorce papers!

Ok...so I'm kidding, of course, but I just can't help poking fun at ridiculous traditions.

After spending all this time trying to come up with creative 1st year anniversary gift ideas, I've decided to just stick with a card (and probably the Oak Room bill). After all, in less than 2 weeks, we will have the BEST "paper" gifts in our hands: 2 plane tickets to Ireland.

Wish you were coming...